Showing Love With the 5 Love Languages
As many of my friends and clients know, one of my favourite books is The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. I have received terrific value from it and have implemented it into both my personal and professional life. When we want to show appreciation to the people we care about, it is often helpful to speak to them in their love language. Knowing your love language will allow you to identify what you need to feel appreciated, and in turn, knowing the love languages of the people around you will show how you can make them feel emotionally supported.
I have outlined the 5 love languages below, covering how to speak them and what to be mindful about as well.
Quality Time
How to Speak This Love Language
Give the person your undivided attention and focus. Enjoy the time together: it’s about quality, not quantity. Try booking time together to take a walk or have a coffee. Offer to go with them on an errand.
What to Be Mindful Of
Distractions when spending time together (put the phone away), postponed dates, being late, and failure to listen.
Words of Affirmation
How to Speak This Love Language
Use words to affirm, appreciate, encourage, and emphasize strengths. Share what you value most about them, their strengths, qualities you admire most, and why you love them often. Try sending a thoughtful note or card in the mail for something unique and special.
What to Be Mindful Of
Not recognizing effort, providing non-constructive criticism, or attacking the person’s character.
Receiving Gifts
How to Speak This Love Language
This doesn’t necessarily mean the person is materialistic, but a meaningful or thoughtful gift/gestures makes them feel appreciated.
What to Be Mindful Of
Forgetting special occasions, or appearing un-enthused about a gift they picked out for you.
Acts of Service
How to Speak This Love Language
For these people, actions speak louder than words. Lending a helping hand shows them you really care whether it is making breakfast, running errands or anything else that helps to alleviate their workload.
What to Be Mindful Of
People who thrive on this language do not deal well with broken promises or lack of follow through. They have a low threshold for people who make more work for them.
Physical Touch
How to Speak This Love Language
Everyday physical connections and body language, like hand-holding or sitting close to each other or any type of is greatly appreciated.
What to Be Mindful Of
This does not need to be over the top touchy-feely! It’s a fine line for each person as to what is much or to little physical touch. Be mindful of physical neglect and/or lack of intimacy.
Keep in mind that we all experience some degree of each love language and we should utilize all in our relationships. The one you favour most will identify how you receive love and affection. Hearing “I love you” 20 times in a day will do very little for someone whose love language is Acts of Service. They may appreciate the words but, would will feel more loved if someone picked up groceries for them on a busy day. Communicating with our own unique love languages allows us to have deeper, more meaningful connections with the people we love.
By Kelsey Hagen – Registered Nutritionist/Dietitian
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